As I shared in last weeks post – it’s been a whirlwind year of achievements, accomplishments, and activities. I am back to doing things that I honestly didn’t think I would ever do again. I am feeling relatively healthy, strong, and somewhat confident. The “some what” because no matter how much I improve, no matter how good I feel, dealing with the MS fog, altered sensations and vision issues will always cause me to have some fear and doubt embedded into anything I try and tackle. But rather than being paralyzed by these fears and doubts, as I have in the past, I am now pushing past them and just getting shit done.
I am constantly telling myself “fuck it” and reminding myself that trying to do something and failing is always going to be better than not trying at all. I am using the angst brought on by never knowing what tomorrow will bring to propel me into things that not long ago seemed impossible. Somewhere along the line I realized that if I don’t continue each and every day to push myself beyond my comfort levels, if I allow even a slight slip in my commitment to listening to my body and my disease, then there is a damn good chance that the disease will fight back and take me down again. I’ve seen it happen before – the great “flu/flair of 2017” was one of the worst times I’ve had with my MS. I had been off all the meds for over a year, I had begun exercising and eating healthier and I was beginning to feel better and then BAM!!!! I caught the flu from the public pool (meaning I was TRYING to do something good for my body at the time) and within hours I was laid up in bed and even a trip to the bathroom became a merely impossible feat. That stint with the flu led to a flare – which took months to recover from.
So one misstep, one error in tactical planning can lead to months of fighting my way back, again. I need to be on my “A” game at all times.
I know my disease is sneaky and crafty and I know that it is always lurking in the background, just waiting for the opportunity to knock me down. It is waiting for me to let my guard down and not be as diligent at doing all the things that are helping my body heal and get stronger. It’ is waiting for me to fuck up, but I am determined to not let that happen. I am trying to find a balance between actually doing things – like attending cannabis shows, and promoting my book and being a guest on shows and doing interviews and staying on track with all the things that are helping me feel better.
I need to walk every day. I need to keep stretching and moving constantly. I need to stay diligent and stay on top of my chronic constipation. I need to stick to the diet that is helping me to feel better and stronger than I have in years. I need to keep learning about, growing and consuming cannabis and cbd as both have played a pivotal role in my improvements. I need to make sure I never go back to smoking tobacco. I need to make sure I don’t put the weight back on.
There are so many things I need to do in order to keep this stupid disease at bay – and even then it’s not as if we are talking about a life in which none of my MS crap exists. Even on my good days – even when I am out fishing or hiking, my disease and all its annoying habits are still there – I have just gotten much better at not allowing them to take over my every thought and I have mastered the skill of distraction. The more I do, the less I think about all the crazy shit that goes on inside of my body and brain, 24/7.
People ask what it is that I have done that has made such a huge difference. People want to know if cannabis and cbd REALLY help THAT much that I have managed to get my life back as a result of my smoking pot. My answer is that it is not just ONE thing that has launched me into this stint of success. It is not just because of my consumption of cannabis. Just like it is not just the diet and exercise and it’s not just the fact that I managed to lose 50 lbs (and here I was worried about the munchies:) It’s not just that I am no longer on the prescription drugs that left me feeling detached, depressed, desolate and chronically full of shit. It’s not just because I finally quit smoking cigarettes after years of closet smoking. It’s not just because I finally started stretching and doing yoga on a regular basis. It is a combination of all of these things and more, mixed with a dose of determination and a dash of stubbornness.
The thing that played the biggest role in all of these changes, the thing I credit for everything I have managed to accomplish is that I finally made myself and my health my top priority. For the first time in my life, I put thinking about myself and what is good for me (and what ISN’T good for me) in the forefront of my thoughts each and every day and I let that guide me. Effectively, I made “getting better” my job – and I have to say – for someone that had been unemployed and was unsure of my ability to stick to anything, I think I nailed it. I began listening to my body and I began to try and give it what it was asking for.
My daily objective was to live a better life today than I did yesterday, over and over and over again.
Each day my goal was to do ONE thing better for my body today than I did yesterday. Take ONE step every day towards the better life I wanted to be living.
It started out with little things like having one less beer at bowling night, going an extra block on my daily walk, going one more day without a cigarette, remembering to take my vitamins, eating more greens or not having that second cup of coffee. Every day I did ONE thing different; I made one modification to help my body get better and then that ONE thing was added to my daily routine. Once I added a new block to my route, that block became something I did every day after that. It built from there – making ONE POSITIVE ADJUSTMENT every day to incorporate into my new healthier life.
I made getting better my sole objective. THAT is what made the biggest difference.
That is not to say that cannabis and cbd didn’t play a huge role in this transformation, because I would be naive to say they hadn’t. The relief and distraction that I experience when I consume cannabis allows me to move beyond what the disease is continuously doing to me. At all times there are weird, odd and often times uncomfortable sensations I feel throughout my body – and the MS fog is almost always present. These are just a part of what MY disease does to my body. Using cannabis and cbd makes dealing with these really messed up things a whole lot easier. It allows me to push them to the side and focus on other things – like writing books and finding opportunities to speak and share my story, growing cannabis and traveling with my husband to meet other people living with this disease.
Before I started using cannabis my mind was so scrambled up from all those weird, odd and painful things I feel throughout my day, that being able to pull myself out from my MS “bubble” didn’t seem possible. The zings, aches, pains, pings and dings and spasms did a hell of a job in making me believe that I wasn’t able to do many things anymore. Using plants as my medicine has helped me move beyond the annoying symptoms. It has allowed me to think about things other than my disease, which in turn has allowed me to begin doing things again. I have been able to stop obsessing over the disease and what it chronically does to me and begin to focus on things outside of this disease.
THAT IS A HUGE CHANGE!
I am working on writing a bunch of posts walking through the specifics of what I have learned about cannabis, but in the meantime the advice I would give to anyone thinking about trying cannabis or CBD – firstly I am a firm believer in believing in the power of believing. In other words, start with BELIEVING it can help you.
Often times the residual thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding cannabis leads to people going into it with hesitation, possible trepidation and doubt. I look at it this way – when my doctor would introduce a new medication or drug into my protocol I remember always leaving his office feeling excited and optimistic, “maybe THIS would be the one, the medication that would finally help with the chronic pain or the one that would succeed in slowing down the progression of my disease.” As fate would have it, none of them had stellar performances BUT I still BELIEVED that they could possibly help and that ONE thing – that belief goes a long way in predicting the efficacy of one’s medicine.
It’s my personal experience that if you believe something will work, you tend to be more likely to then assess it as having been successful, irrelevant of actual results. if you believe something won’t work, you tend to be more likely to assess it as having failed.
So step one – try and let go of all preconceived notions pertaining to cannabis and CBD and look at it as another medicine to be considered, not as something taboo, illegal, illicit or negative. It is a PLANT that can help, plain and simple.
Signing off for now – have a mammogram AND another dentist appointment tomorrow followed by another visit to my new chiropractor on Friday – SO many things to share with you all, so I’ll back soon!
Oh and for those of you interested in what we are learning about growing our own medicine, Shawn now has his own Instagram account Doug_thepotplant where we will be posting all about the girls! Go give him a follow!
Sending good vibes!
**This is my personal blog and all opinions are my own. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one here on my blog. The content here is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace the advice of medical professionals. Be sure to contact your doctor before trying any new medications/vitamins/supplements, physical activities or therapies **
I took cannabis a few years back and was doing much better on it. The negative was I started getting sever UTI’s I would just get over one and a new one would start putting me in the hospital. I would love to try it again but can not live with the UTI’s. Do you know how to control these while taking cannabis.
Hi Janet –
My apologies for the delay in responding! We have just returned from a trip to Colorado to learn more about cannabis and growing and I did a pretty lame job of keeping on top of things other than just enjoying our trip:) SO …here is my completely unmedical and non-professional answer – consuming cannabis can lead to dehydration. Dehydration CAN play a roll in getting a UTI….so maybe you need to just consume a shit ton of water if you are using cannabis as your medicine????
Drinking water and staying hydrated and NOT peeing my pants is a constant balancing act!!!:)
xoxo
Meg
Oooo. Visiting Spain would be a great experience. I am so enjoying and an encouraged by reading your Blog Megan. As I have said before I have a child age38 now who struggles with all the weird and odd effects of MS on a daily basis.
My wish my hope, my prayers are that she willl try Cannabis as a treatment for herself. I firmly deeply believe in my heart that She would have positive results. Maybe be able to get off some of awful pharmaceuticals meds that are addictive and just plain bad for her .
She is intelligent. Articulate. Able to do most any kind of work using sophisticated computer software skills plus a background with diversified knowledge in Real estate, legal jargon and Titles, car sales and Medical/ Insurance areas. I pray she finds a job that gives her room to grow, is Stable and successful so she may plan for her future and not wallow away her life waiting to Get Well. She seems in a rut with THIS illness tainting her ability to Fulfill her 🙁 potential. Her dreams. Being successful and self-reliant.S he can do it but she has been so beaten down financially and Career wise.T he disease and the immense chronic pain was destroying her.
So I have sent her links to your blog and your many challenges. You using humor and wit and sheer will power to overcome. To be more than just your disease.So thank you with all my heart.I am so glad I got to meet you through this encounter on Facebook. May you continue to progress and improve. To enjoy every day in your own way.
Many Blessings and Best wishes,
?❤?❤ Marti
🙂 Thanks Marti – I LOVE that you have this much love and concern for your daughter and her disease. NOT everyone is fortunate enough to have someone like that in their corner. BUT I do ask that you remember that it is ultimately HER disease and she has to do what she feels is right (Pretty sure YOU know that but perhaps helpful to others that are reading this as a loved one or care-taker?:) EVEN if it is a path that you feel is wrong.
Truly hoping that someday I will be able to tell you that I spoke with (or communicated in some fashion) with your daughter and that it was a positive encounter because one of the things we all need is more positivity!
xoxo
Meg
I so agree with so much of this post. Particularly
I am back to doing things that I honestly didn’t think I would ever do again. I am feeling relatively healthy, strong, and somewhat confident. The “some what” because no matter how much I improve, no matter how good I feel, dealing with the MS fog, altered sensations and vision issues will always cause me to have some fear and doubt embedded into anything I try and tackle. But rather than being paralyzed by these fears and doubts, as I have in the past, I am now pushing past them and just getting shit done.
As always, thanks for following along and sharing some of your journey Jan!!!
Some day we will come to Spain so we can hang out my friend!!!!
XOXO
Meg