I have had the “pleasure” of a number of MRIs over the years and have NEVER had a problem with claustrophobia… that is until the day that I did have a problem…and a big one at that. Ā Although it was just like every other MRI, same tube like machine, with a technician talking to me over a speaker, music pumped-in to make the whole experience more “pleasurable” (as if that is going to help me FORGET that I am in a tube, instructed to NOT MOVE while loud beeps and tones and a lot of shaking and vibrations take placeā€¦.maybe I can pretend I am in a nightclub!?!?!)

And then….

I FREAKED OUT AND COMPLETELY LOST IT!!!!

Laying completely still for that long, the pain slowly began to increase, and although I tried everything; every meditation technique, breathing method, and thoughts of my “happy place,” Ā NOTHING worked. The panic set in and started to grow; became all-consuming! I tried SO hard to just suck it up, to be OK and make it through. After all, I had managed to get through all the other ones, being the “model” patient. Ā I didn’t want to fail; to not please the people on the other side of the glass, outside my little “bubble of magnetic forces.”

But I couldn’t do it. Ā I couldn’t be in there for even one more second…and so I did what I swore I would never do. Ā I squeezed that little “bulb” they hand you just before they say goodbye and roll you into the tube. Ā The “OH-SHIT” BUTTON. I had always held on to that little squishy thing, taking solace in the fact that it was there…that at any minute IF I needed help, magic would happen. Ā They would stop the agonizing sounds and shakes and get me out! Up until that very moment I had always prided myself in the fact that I never squeezed it – that I was strong enough to get through it, without moving, or doing anything to fuck up the scan. Ā 

And thenā€¦

I SQUEEZED. Ā Over and over and over.. Ā I squeezed that stupid little thing like I have never squeezed anything before. Ā (Iā€™m tempted to make some inappropriate sexual reference here, but will refrain since I AM trying to convey just how scared I was.) Ā Guess what happened….NOTHING. Ā The sounds kept going and the machine kept shaking. Ā 

Complete and utter terror set in!!!!

I had to get out and no one was listening! Ā Where the HELL were the people? All cheery and supportive when they left me in the tube; now NOWHERE to be found!

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity (but was probably more like a few seconds) the technician’s voice came through the speaker. Ā 

I have just realized that I left out one small but IMPORTANT detail that will help you understand how, later, I could see the humor in all of this. Ā 

The radiology technicianā€™s name was….

 

POOPIE!!!

I SHIT you not!!!! Ā I didn’t believe it either and so when the doctor introduced her, I had to ask that he repeat it…three times. Ā Which meant I had the doctor saying “poopie, poopie, poopie” just before my hell began.

Poopie (who was Asian, and I am pretty sure I have the spelling wrong, so my apologies) let me down. Ā She was supposed to be my savior. I frantically squeezed that “panic bulb” but she didn’t stop the machine and she sure as hell didnā€™t roll me out! Ā Instead, I heard

“yes, what is the problem?”

I responded with “I NEED TO GET OUT, I CAN’T DO THIS.” Ā She then calmly explained that there was only ten minutes left to the scan and told me to stay still. Ā 

WAS SHE KIDDING!?!?!?!

Ā I didn’t have the ability to last even one more second, let along ten minutes. Ā The pain that had now taken over my entire body was all I could think about. I had to move, to get out and stretch and try to make it stop! Ā But good ole Poopie didn’t have my back! She was determined to finish, and told me

ā€œyou lay still and we will be done soon.”

This is NOT what I wanted to hear, and I have to admit that in hindsight, I am embarrassed at what happened next, but I truly don’t think that I had control over my actions at that moment; I was SO panicked and in SO much pain, I did not have a thought for anyone or anything but me, and getting the HELL out of there. Ā I screamed, at the top of my lungsā€¦

 

“GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU BITCH!!!”

Guess what! Ā It worked!!!!

This was certainly not one of my finer moments, and I can assure you that the awkwardness that ensued once they did roll me out and came back into the room is not something that I would choose to ever endure again.

In my defense, the pain was real, and so was the panic. Ā My breathing was labored and because I had been still for so long, my legs did not work at all. Ā Eventually – I was able to pull myself together and allow then to put me back in the tube to complete the scan, but thoughts of what I had just done, and how incredibly scared and panicked I felt remained for a long time. Ā Even writing about it now and remembering, sucks. I have never felt that “out of control” of myself and my actions, and given the choice, I would NEVER want to “go” there again.

 

Wondering how in the world I will face the inevitable NEXT MRI?!?!?

You can bet that I will look to cannabis for help!Ā 

 

**This is my personal blog and all opinions are my own. Ā I am not a doctor, nor do I play one here on my blog. The content here is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace the advice of medical professionals. Ā Be sure to contact your doctor before trying any new medications/vitamins/supplements, physical activities or therapies **